Stereoboard's Christmas List: Merchandise Ranging From The Weird And Wonderful
Monday, 17 December 2012
Written by Heather McDaid
Christmas is the time of year where we consumers go crazy. Your brother might just want a crate of beer, but you don't think that's quite enough. Your mum may have been hinting at this really nice set she saw on TV, but then again - you might not be the only one to have picked up on her hints. So what do we do? We turn to the internet - the home of the weird and wonderful, the obscure and the downright awesome.
Bands and solo artists have been cottoning on to the need for quirk in their products, and there's been plenty of weird or festive merchandise out there to satisfy your need for something different at Christmas. After scouring the internet in search of such treasures (and perhaps purchasing one or two of them...), here is merely ten of some of the gems we found.
1. Slayer Christmas Jumper.
This definitely falls into the category of both 'weird' and 'wonderful'. Christmas jumpers are a staple of the festive season, and now we have the option of splaying our chest in multiple Slayer logos and skulls than, say, a giant Christmas pudding or reindeer with a light up nose. Where they've obviously gone all out on 'metalling' up a Christmas jumper, they've not skipped on quality. Take it from experience - these jumpers are warmer and fuzzier than they look! A motto of life should be that Slayer make everything better, even woolly jumpers.
2. Bury Tomorrow Christmas Jumper.
Much like above, sometimes a smiling penguin or jolly elf on a thick woollen jumper just isn't enough to make you feel metal at Christmas. Turning from an international hit to some home grown sensations, we offer a simpler, cheaper alternative featuring jolly ol' Saint Nick. Though we can't personally vouch for the jumper's quality in fuzziness, we have heard they're pretty dandy in this weather.
3. Motorheadphones.
It's about time to move on from the Christmas jumpers. You can only wear so many at once before people give you weird looks. So, sticking to the 'wonderful' category - aided heftily by the slick wordplay - we bring you some badass headphones from Motorhead. With the slogan "From the loudest band in the world to your ears", the headphones are a new badass way to let the world know that not only are you listening to music (because hidden iPod headphones aren't noticeable enough these days!), but that you have a fantastic taste in music too. Strangers can also learn of your amazing music taste by blaring Motorhead accordingly as you approach them.
4. Hanson Apron & Cookie Cutter.
Christmas is coming and the kids in your family are getting psyched for Santa. Everyone knows it's customary to leave some cookies and milk for the ol' fellow while he does his work, but how do you set yourself apart from the hoards of Maryland cookies scattered on plates across the world? Make Hanson cookies. But you don't want to get yourself in a mess while making them? Don't worry - you can get an apron too! This may have been released last year, but there's always hope for a re-release. Too few bands have their own cookie cutters. There might be an oven that goes 'Mmm, bop' when the cookies are done baking, but more likely than not you'll just have to sing your own baking crescendo for the full Hanson experience.
5. Olly Murs Hat & Scarf.
We've not seen many X Factor alumni releasing their own winter wear. Well, that's an overstatement - we've not seen any. But the cheeky chappy of X Factor successes has put his name to these essential winter wear items - literally. It's easy to see where his colour scheme came from, with bold green, red and white blinding you in bold linear patterns. But as his name sits slap bang in the middle, it looks more like you'd be supporting the Olly Murs football team rather than sporting a fashionable accessory. Is this a hint at the next branch of his business?
6. AC/DC Monopoly.
Yes. This is something I never knew existed until it randomly sprung up on Google. Picture the scene: it's Christmas day, you and your family have had your dinner and are knuckling down for the evening. You need something to do. A movie? Well, that's a bit antisocial to throw a movie on and ignore each other. More food? Well, there's always time for that. A board game? Yes! And can there really be a more badass way to play Monopoly than as Angus Young's School Boy Hat? I thought not.
7. Alice Cooper Stocking.
It was the night before Halloween, and all through the house... No, wait. That doesn't sound right. Usually reserved to fulfil all your Halloween needs with blood, gore, death defying stunts and monsters, Alice Cooper has opted to cater his merchandise to another season. Have your stocking complete with the king of shock rock grimacing in a top hat. Some might have thought a Santa hat would work a little better, but that's evidently not how Alice Cooper rolls.
8. Mastodon Horn Stein.
It's snowing outside, the cold is setting in and what you need is a nice hot chocolate. Your friends and family wrap their hands around their regular mugs to warm themselves up and - BAM - you produce your very own Horn Stein. Puts everyone else's beverage holders to shame, doesn't it? Probably not highly recommended for hot chocolate, since the dregs would likely get stuck in there, but it can hold 16 ounces of whatever beverage you choose, and you'd look pretty cool whenever you were thirsty.
9. Bon Jovi Holiday Bundle.
If you love Bon Jovi* and you love Christmas (which is, let's face it, very likely) then you definitely need this combination of the two. You can own your own Bon Jovi Santa hat, tree skirt and stocking. And what's the perfect way to top this gift bundle if you're giving it to someone as a present? Bon Jovi wrapping paper of course! *It is recommended that you really, really, really love Bon Jovi for this set.
10. Anything From KISS.
Let's face it, some people would slap their name on everything. Wrack your brains for a product that KISS wouldn't put their name to. You couldn't, could you? They're probably the biggest band brand in circulation, so much so their products earned their own Stereoboard feature earlier this year. Some of the weirdest additions to their legacy included the KISS Kasket or Urn, KISS condoms and KISS bingo. Bingo! Hardly rock 'n' roll, but it's true. Want a snazzy USB flash drive? They've got it. A dummy for your child that makes them look like Gene Simmons? Yep, you guessed it. KISS-opoly, Mr Potato Heads, even a Mount KISS-more mini statue. So if you know anyone who likes KISS, or anyone who likes anything that has ever existed in the world, then there's probably a product in there that could work.
The internet is a wonderful thing in terms of presents, and there's still some time to sneak a few of these gifts into your budget just in time for Christmas!
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Bands and solo artists have been cottoning on to the need for quirk in their products, and there's been plenty of weird or festive merchandise out there to satisfy your need for something different at Christmas. After scouring the internet in search of such treasures (and perhaps purchasing one or two of them...), here is merely ten of some of the gems we found. 
