Every so often, we at Stereoboard unfortunately find tracks and tunes so terrible that it’s almost hard to believe they’re real. Stupid, non-sensical lyrics, horribly-off-key backing tracks, and incredibly cringey videos accompanying them are all key features in these tracks, and can all be witnessed in our latest discovery ’Brush Brush’.
Uploaded on January 7th, we actually heard this track last week, but have only now recovered from the initial shock of sitting through all three minutes and twenty-five seconds of this sonic recreation of waterboarding torture. The star of the video is Jessica Jones, though there is an epic cameo from our favourite rapper JJ Jam and a small child who has been given a seemingly massive dose of acid.
Starting a crappy music video in your bed seems to now be a trend (started by Rebecca Black and followed by Themys’ autotune abortion ’Party @ Ur House’), and Jones has followed suit, adding in a couple of yeah yeah yeah’s and woaahhh’s before breaking into the lyrical lesson she is about to give us all.
Or at least it may have been a lyrical lesson, had we been able to understand half the lyrics and had she bothered to learn them a little better. Spending the majority of the time in front of a psychedelic backdrop which the young backing dancer probably stared at in wonder for the rest of his trip, she - from what we could make out - sings/raps/word-vomits about how Monday is her favourite day of the week, how time is fast (so very very fast), and her rush to the garden gate, before mashing the rest of the verse into a frenzy of OMGs and more verbal diarrhea.
Then, we meet the chorus, an ode to brushing your teeth and spinning around - as we all do when cleaning our gnashers in the morning. Rhyming white with white (Biggie, is this your daughter?!), she then makes a snappy reference to our old favourite Will Smith’s Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and we catch our first glimpse of the hugely-talented JJ Jam.
Their love of brushing their teeth is almost unnatural, so much so that they decide to throw a toothbrush party, which consists of a bed and some balloons. But, just when we thought the party may have had a chance to really take off and turn into a radical blowout, we’re reminded to ‘pass on the beer’ by Jones and JJ Jam - though their dancer seems to have already broken out the class As. Jones thinks that brushing her teeth leaves her cool and white, so her partner in crime JJ Jam must be brushing 24/7.
As Jones takes a moment to rest after her Grammy-worthy performance, JJ Jam steps in - accompanied by some pretty awful Trap - to back his gurl up, after spotting her ‘brushin’, chillin’, and partyin’. In what’s possibly my favourite 15 second verse of all time, Jam reveals that he’s in the house but has to be quick like a mouse, meaning we’ll have to wait for his next big hit to catch his East Coast vibe in full. And seriously, where does that little kid get his acid?
This ode to strangled cats ends with possibly the worst vocal harmony since foghorns met chainsaws, but don’t worry - you’ll soon be able to download the track on iTunes thanks to her generous label Jump Star Records. Not much is known about Jump Star Records, but they joined YouTube back in December 2011 and claimed “We are here! We will leave our mark! We stand by all our artists!”. ‘Brush Brush’ is the only thing they’ve uploaded since then, but we expect big things from them in the coming couple of years. In the meantime, check out the video here and let us know your views in the comment section below.
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Uploaded on January 7th, we actually heard this track last week, but have only now recovered from the initial shock of sitting through all three minutes and twenty-five seconds of this sonic recreation of waterboarding torture. The star of the video is Jessica Jones, though there is an epic cameo from our favourite rapper JJ Jam and a small child who has been given a seemingly massive dose of acid.
